


Dummy Diaries

by sadistically_sweet



Series: The Dummy Collection [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Ageplay, Daddy Kink, Dummies, Gen, Images, Infantilism, M/M, Pacifiers, and anything else that makes Little Sherlock squeak with delight, and clothes, and toys, cuteness, ok I'm going to start throwing in random images that tickle my fancy as well, pure fluff, so you're going to start seeing blankets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-07 01:44:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 5,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1880382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadistically_sweet/pseuds/sadistically_sweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of cute images with short (very short) snippets to accompany them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sherlock

 

"John...how on _earth_ do you keep finding such marvelous things!?"

"With a bit of luck and a keen eye, love."

"...Really? Because I would have attributed the influx of such designs to the increasingly younger age of the breeding generation."

"...Well, yeah, that helps."


	2. John

 

"Sherlock, another one, really? You have 3 dozen of the blasted things hidden all over the flat!"

"That one's not mine; it's for you...you're _welcome_."

"Mine? I, uh...well, thanks, but, um...why can't I just use the others?"

"Because you have a tendency to chew holes in them and ruin them like a little jerk."

"...No I don't!"

"John, there are currently three sitting in the bottom of the bin that I can dig out that say otherwise."

"..."

"...Well?"

_*muffled*_ " 'Well' wha'?"

_*sigh*_ " Do you like it?"

"Mm-hmmph."

"Good...if I find anymore teeth marks on mine, I'm hiding all of them _and_ taking that one, as well."

"Wha'eva."


	3. Molly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I'd add a note...this is basically a fun little filler project in between my longer stories. There were SO many pictures that found, that made for great little snippets of conversation, but that I couldn't justify building a whole story around...so, here they are. :)

 

"...This is the only one you have?"

"No, I have a back-up...that's just the first one I ever bought for myself."

"You only have the two?"

"Well, that's all I really need, inn'it?"

"..."

"...What're you lookin' at me like that for?"

"...You have enough barrettes and hair ribbons to supply the whole country, that you rarely ever wear, yet you only have _two_ dummies when you have the need to have one in your mouth at every possible convenience...that doesn't make sense, Molly. "

"Look, just because _you_ collect them the way some women collect shoes, doesn't mean I do."

"..."

"Would you stop giving me the smelly eye already?!?"

"The smelly wha-?...No, no, don't try to distract me; you know who I am, that _doesn't_ work."

_*sigh*_   "Sherlock..."

"..."

"I just...okay, look, it's still really embarrassing to go out and buy baby things by myself, alright? Looking around is one thing, actually picking one up and purchasing it is another."

"Is that all? Molly, no one's going to think twice about a middle-aged--"

"I'm _not_ 'middle-aged'."

"...Alright, _fine..._ a 'young' middle-aged woman buying dummies is still nothing to blink at."

"Yeah...yeah, I know that, it's just...okay, it's just that it still feels _wrong,_ buying something like that for myself. Like, it feels like I should be letting someone else buy pick it out and buy it for me, you know? I know, I know, it doesn't make any sense, but that's the best way I can explain it, Sherlock."

"...I see."

"I'm _not_ crazy."

"I never said that you were."

"No, but you've got that 'look' on your face."

"What 'look'? Is it the same 'look' that John keeps referring to, because if you could explain the difference between this so-called 'look' and my normal face...!"

"Sherlock..."

"I didn't have a 'look'; I was just thinking."

"Exactly! You get that 'look' all the time when you're 'just thinking', and it always leads to somethin' else!"

"...It's nothing unpleasant, I assure you."

"See? I knew it meant somethin'!...what do you mean, 'nothing unpleasant?"

"It was lovely stopping by, Molly, but I have to be getting on."

"Sherlock..."

"Text Uncle John later and tell him 'hello'...he's been missing you."

" _Sherlock!..."_

"Bye, Maw'yee...be good."

_*sigh* "_...Bye, Sher'yock."

 

 


	4. Sherlock

"...It's hideous."

"..."

"You can stop biting the inside of your cheek, John...I can still hear you laughing."

* _feigning innocence_ * "Hm? Why would I be laughing, love?"

"Contrary to what those liars you call 'friends' say, your sense of humour is detestable."

* _raucous laughter_ *

"You won't be laughing when you find out where it's going...because it definitely won't be in  _my_ mouth!"

* _laughter only increases_ *

* _snort_ * "...Idiot."


	5. John

 

"Okay, Sherlock, I...this is just, just a _bit_ too much, yeah?"

"What do you mean, 'too much'? You had no issue when I asked for the boots and the dog tags."

"Yeah, but when you said you wanted to roleplay tonight, I assumed I was gonna get to be the big, strong soldier...how can I be the big, strong soldier in combat boots and a _nappy?!?..."_

"..."

"Stop smirking, right this fucking minute."

"..."

"You're a sick man."

"And you're nearly tearing through the front of that nappy."

"..."

"Stop being a spoilsport...hup-two, _Captain_ , and come sit on Daddy's lap."

"...Yes, _sir._ "

 


	6. Sherlock (slight angsty-ish warning)

"..."

"...What's the matter; you don't like it?"

"It's just...not my taste, John."

"Sherlock?...s'wrong with it?"

"No crowns."

"Um, okay...you gonna deign to tell me why not, your highness?"

"..."

"Oh, _woah_...no, Sherlock, wait...no, don't _cry_ , baby--Daddy was just joking!...no, you're right, it wasn't funny...yes, I'll get rid of it, I promise, and no more 'crowns', I won't even get anything that _rhymes_ with 'crown', I swear...okay, okay, just calm down; look, it's gone, see? Tossed away! C'mon lad, stop cryin', please? Daddy's really, _really_ sorry...here, come give me a hug...there, that's better, inn'it? Yeah, cuddles make everything better, don't they? 'Course they do!..."

_*sniff*_ "N-no more crowns?..."

_*sigh*_   "No more crowns."

 


	7. Sherlock

 

* _sigh_ *  "Sherlock, give Daddy a break, love...open your mouth."

"Mm _-mm_!"

"Listen, baby boy...I know you don't feel well, and I know that this isn't one of your regular dummies, and you don't like it...but if you can't be good and let me take your temperature this way, then Daddy's going to get the _other_ thermometer and bend you over so I can do this the right way."

"..."

"...Well?"

"...That sounds more like a promise than a threat, Daddy."

 


	8. Molly

 

* _excited gasp*_   "Aw, Sherlock!...it's so pretty!"

"I _told_ you I wasn't planning anything unpleasant."

"...Oh, is that what that was about? You're going to start bringing me tons of dummies?"

* _in a high-pitched voice*_ " 'Why, thank you, Sherlock, that was an extremely thoughtful gift, and I shall treasure it always!'..." _*back to normal, deep voice*_   "Don't mention it, Molly, it was the least I could do."

_*giggles_ * "Don't make me tell Unca' Jawn you're pickin' on me, you big meanie...but you're right, it _was_ very thoughtful; thank you, Sher'yock."

"You're very welcome; if you like that one, you're going to love--"

"Wait wait wait, 'that one'?...Sherlock, I have three. Three is more than I need. I don't need anymore dummies."

"..."

"Sherlock?...Sherlock! Sherlock, _no_ , I don't need...would you wipe the smirk off your face? I don't _need_ anymore dummies... _Sherlock_!"

"Oh, how cute...your cheeks match your new dummy."

"...I'm telling!"

"Telling what? That I bought you a present?"

"..."

"Mm-hmm...I'll keep you posted, Molly. Have a lovely evening breaking that in." * _exits while humming a jaunty version of 'Rule Britannia'*_


	9. Sherlock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Just a reminder, in the UK, binkies/pacifiers are called 'dummies', hence the name 'Dummy Diaries'....just tossing in a little fyi under a good Samaritans suggestion, in case someone was unaware*

 

"Wasn't I just yelled at recently for buying another new dummy?..."

"What?...oh, you mean when you bought the...and it was for me...yeah, no, I...wait, what do you mean you got 'yelled at'? I didn't _yell_ at you!"

"..."

"I never 'yell' at you, Sherlock."

"..."

"...Okay, sometimes I _might_ raise my voice, but I do  not 'yell'."

"You only have two volumes, John...sleeping, and yelling."

"Oh, are you one to talk!..."

"See, right there...that was a very audible exclamation point."

"I _didn't_!"...* _sighs*_..."No, I'm not going to keep arguing in circles with you; if you don't want it, then Molly can have it."

"..."

"I'm getting my coat...hmm, you know, I don't even know if Molly _likes_ little cross-eyed bees...Oh, well, she can toss it if she wants to, it'll be hers, after all."

"..."

"Alright...I'll be back in a bit, stay out of trouble--"

"... _Wait!_ "

_*waits*_   "Sorry, did you need something...?"

"I, um, I just..." _*trails off*_

* _puts hand to ear, grinning*_   "I'm sorry, you're going to have to speak up."

"...Mine, Daddy?"

" 'Mine, Daddy', what?..."

"Mine...p'ease?" * _sniffles*_

* _chuckles*_ "I guess all the 'yelling's put my ears off; say it again."

_*huffs*_   "Want _my_ bee, Daddy... _please!_ "

"Now, now,...no need to shout."

" _Daddy!_ "

 

 


	10. John

 

"John..."

"Hm?"

"John, come look at this."

* _sighs*_   "Sherlock, I literally _just_ sat down..."

"Come _here_."

_*grumbles*  "_ Alright, fine, you don't haf'ta use that tone..."

"Just look."

"..."

"Amazing, isn't it?"

"Sherlock...that'll never fit in here. The rocking chair alone was a bastard to haul in...and nevermind it fitting in _here;_ you'd never get all of your legs into it...!"

"John, _hush_."

"..."

"Now, I never said 'Look at what I bought'...I said, 'Come LOOK at this'. _And_ , I never said that I was looking at it for _myself._ "

"You, you meant _me_ again?..."

* _chuckles_ *  "Daddy's Little Barrel-Rider."

* _a shy, quiet laugh*_   "You're just as bad about the baby-thing's as I am, sometimes..."  _*a soft sigh*_   "It's lovely, but it just wouldn't be practical, you know?..."

_*a noise of reluctant agreement*_   "I do know...it was only a thought, John."

"...Can you, um..."

"I can do lots of things, John...what are you asking in particular?"

"...Can you keep callin' me _that_ name, though?..."

"Name? What na-?...Oh, _that_ name. Of course I can, Barrel-Rider."

"Uh, no, not just...the whole thing?...Please?"

 

 

"...Anything, for Daddy's Little Barrel-Rider."

 


	11. Molly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note to readers...a good friend and I are in the process of starting a joint tumblr account, which will mostly be dedicated to ageplay and other related topics. 'Mo' is another Dommie-Mommie that I met a year and a half ago (through my Sherlock stories, in fact! YAY for fanfiction bringing people together!), and together we'll be glad to answer some questions, share some experiences, and hopefully have some laughs. 
> 
> While the blog is in progress, feel free to reach us at sadie_and_mo@hotmail.com (I'm the 'Sadie' half, hello! ;) )
> 
> ***CORRECTION*** I previously mistyped the email above, it has now been corrected with lowercase letters.

 

"..."

"...At least it won't make your mouth look small."

"...You really do have a way with words; you know that, Sherlock?"

"Thank you."

"Not a compliment."

 


	12. John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **We now have a tumblr up! Beginning stages, but, you know...baby steps. ;)**
> 
> **http://sadieandmo.tumblr.com/**
> 
> And, an additional correction to the notes in the last chapter...our email is sadie_and_mo@hotmail.com, all lowercase...feel free to say hi! :)

 

"So....from folding napkins, to decorating nappies now, is it?"

 

"Youtube covers a vast array of topics, John."

 

"I can see that...were they also the ones to suggest contrasting the word 'brave' by covering it in chickens, or...?"

 

"No, that was all me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Diaper designed and crafted by the wonderful Mo**


	13. Sherlock

 

"Well...how is it?"

"...Su'pwising'y okay."


	14. Sherlock (RATED R...no one under 18 allowed!!!)

 

"...Okay, I know what you're thinking..."

"You couldn't possibly, John."

"It was a joke shop..."

"Obviously."

"It was in the clearance bin..."

"Mm-hmm."

"I just, I couldn't...I could _not_ walk away without it."

"I'm fairly certain that buying items such as this gets your name on a list somewhere, John."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	15. Sherlock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Inspired by: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ezip_fiXYc *

 

"...What in the _hell_ is that, John?"

"Oh, this? I found it in the-"

"The Gateway to Hell?"

* _speaking slowly*_   "...in the office; a kid must've left it behind."

" _Brilliant_ deduction, John, can't imagine 'why' they would...why didn't you do the same?"

"Aw, whatsa'matter...you don't like it? I thought things like this were right up your alley, with the skull and eyeballs and severed head..."   _*takes a step forward*_

_*takes a step back*_ "JohnthatthingwillbeupYOURalleyifitdoesn'tstayontheothersideofthisroom." 

 

 


	16. Molly

 

"So you're back to bein' nice to me now, is'sit?"

"When have I _not_ been 'nice'?"

* _takes a deep breath and opens her mouth to begin*_

_*quickly interrupting*_   "...In recent memory!"

"Well, the mouth one was a bit cheeky..."

"Yes, 'cheeky'...still meant in good humour. Besides, John already made me--I mean, I've already apologized, more than once."

"..."

"Says the girl who still uses it anyway."

"I didn't say anything."

"You thought it loud enough; you might as well have."

* _giving the dummy a good once-over*_   "...You do know I like colours other than pink, don't you?"

"Pink is your favourite."

"I have other favourites, too."

_*cocks eyebrow*_   "Such as?"

"You're the detective...guess."

* _cringes*_   "Molly...that word..."

"Oh, for god'sakes, _fine_...'deduce' them, then, you big prat."

"...You still like it, then."

"Love it. One of the prettiest ones I've ever seen. Thankies, Sher'yock."

 

 

 


	17. Molly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (So, yeah...I don't really know when Molly's birthday is. BUT, mine was the 15th. :o) )

 

"..."

"...What? You said it yourself: "I have other favourites."

"True, yeah...I mean, the colour's pretty an' all, but, um, Sherlock?..."

"...Yes?"

"It's not my birthday."

"..."

"..."

"Molly...yes it _is_."

"No it's _not!_   I'm no 'genius', but I think I know my OWN birthday and it is not my...!"

"..."

"...OH MY GOD, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY."

"Yep, there it is."

 


	18. John

 

"...You are such a shit, Sherlock."

"Yes, yes, you're not telling me anything new, John."

"..."

"...How does it make me a 'shit', though?"

"Because you once  _berated_ me when I had an actual full, glorious mustache."

"...I'm going to completely ignore the 'glorious' part, because I only have fifteen minutes to spare before I leave and it would take _far_ longer than that to tell you everything that's wrong with that statement, BUT..."

"Sherlock, I want you to think very carefully about the next words out of your mouth, or you're gonna come back to a flat full of chewed, ruined dummies littering the floor."

"..."

"..."

"...I was only going to say that I highly doubt _this_ one is going to make you look ten years older."

"...You motherfucker."

"But I'm right."

_*Sighs*_   "But you're right."

 


	19. Sherlock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I just updated two days ago, and I like have a bit more of a time gap in between chapters....BUT I COULD **NOT** RESIST THE TEMPTATION!!!!
> 
> *Inspired by this clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GnLDJAgrws *  
> *Yeah, I bet you can already guess which one it is without even opening it, can't you?*

 

"Say it...go on, say it just _once_ more for Daddy!..."

 

"..."

 

"Oh, look at you blush!...come on, little love, tell Daddy who's on your dummy!"

 

_*little sigh*_   "Pen...peng...* _frustrated, but defeated grumble*_...Peng-weng."

 

* _chuckles*_   "You are too damn cute, you know that?...'course you do."

 

"...Back now, Daddy?"

 

"Yeah yeah yeah, you can have it back... _after_ you say it just one more time!"

 

" _Daddy!_..."


	20. Sherlock

"Really, John?...this is just petty, even for you."

"It was _research."_

"...On every single white dummy I own, hm?"

"Yes; that part was absolutely crucial to the experiment."

"And what was the experiment, again?...'find out how quickly it takes Sherlock to retaliate', was it?"

"...You started it."

"Yes, and as I recall, the saying is 'Always finish what you started', or something along those lines."

"...That's not part of my experiment."

"Oh, but it's now a part of _mine_."


	21. Sherlock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Yes...yes, I bought them.*

 

"...These are new."

"Why, yes, yes they are; very observant, love."

"...They're much too nice to cook with, that was a misguided purchase."

"Oh, they aren't for cooking, love."

"They're not, are they?"

"No, they're not."

"...What are they for, John?"

"Hm, what does the note next to them say?"

* _sighs*_   " 'In case of 'retaliation', break seal.' "

"Then I suppose that's what they're for, _love._  "

"...That's not fair, John."

"You have your methods, and I have mine."


	22. Molly

 

"Oh, Sherlock!...those are actually _pretty!_ "

"Well, now we know that you are indeed capable of acting grateful without being prodded."

"Shut up...the pink ones are for me, I'm guessing?"

"I knew you'd pick on that...they came in _sets;_ I had nothing to do with the colors. At least one of them's 'not pink'."

"I never said I had a PROBLEM with pink, you snot, just that I had so many...but not anyclear ones; that's such a neat look!"

"...Translucent."

"I'm sorry?"

"Translucent, not 'clear'...it's tinted, and it distorts images seen through it."

* _snorts_ *  "Okay, then; I didn't have any _translucent_ dummies, so it's an exception to the pink rule...what's with the texture?"

"They're teething dummies...specifically made to be chewed. I was sick of mine ending up destroyed."

"Oh, you're a chewer when you're little, too?"

"No, I'm--I mean, _yes_ , I do, I'm just...unaware of it."

* _giggles*_   "You big baby."

"Not as big as you."

"Because yes, _that_ response implies that I'm wrong."

"...Just take the damned dummies, Molly."

 

 


	23. Sherlock--Halloween special!

 

"...'Daddy's Little Monster'."

"Yes, love--I can read, too."

"I know _that_ , John, I was just...well, surprised, is all."

"Surprised? You? I'm not stupid, Sherlock...I know that you know when I'm planning on buying you a present before **I** even know."

"Not about that; I knew I was getting something when you 'borrowed' my phone for the number to that particular shop."

"...You weren't even in the _room_ , HOW did you know what number it was."

" 'Calls Made' list, darling."

"Well, shit."

"Mm-hmm."

"Alright, fine, you knew...so what are you surprised about?"

"The fact that they knew enough to print 'Daddy's Little Monster' instead of labeling it 'Frankenstein' like every other piece of Halloween kitsch."

"Oh, that's, um...what now?"

_*sigh*_   "The monster never had a name, John...Frankenstein was the creator."

"Ah, I see...so, I did good in picking out a correct one, then?"

"Good for picking a correctly labeled one, and brilliant for how soft it is...can I wear it now, Daddy?"

_*chuckles*_   " 'Course you can... _if_ you can tell me what noise monsters make."

_*growls*_

_*growls **louder** *_

_*growls **even louder** *_

_*growls **even louder still** *_

_*growls **the loudest growl of all** *_

_*kisses a monstrous little detective's cheek with a loud smack*_

_*giggles*_   "Monster don't _kiss_ , 'addy!!!"

"Daddy monsters make exceptions for baby monsters."

 

 


	24. John

 

"...Is this for _me_?"

"Well, I hardly fit the required measurements for a hobbit, John."

"Is that another really roundabout way of pointing out I'm shorter?"

"I only state the facts, John; you're the one who walks into them....or under them, in your case."

"I'm gonna kick you right in your smug arse."

"You'd have to reach it first, lovey."

 

 


	25. John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Couldn't let the Hobbit Premiere pass by without an update*

 

"...Is that mine? Tell me that's not mine."

"Alright, it's not yours; it's mine."

"...Is that real gol--"

" 'Ay-yup."

"...Are you even supposed to put that in your--"

"I wouldn't attempt it, no."

"Then why...?"

"Reasons."

"Oh, 'reasons', really?! A solid gold _dummy_ ?!? 'Reasons'?!!!"

"...They were very shiny reasons, John."


	26. Sherlock

 

"Stop staring at them like that...you know there's no chance whatsoever of any in your size."

"Staring at them like _what_ , exactly? How am I supposed to look at them?!..."

"Not like a starving man stares at a fat piece of cake, that's not how!"

"Mycroft?! What the hell does _Mycroft_ have to do with anything?!"

* _exasperated sigh*_   "Nothing, not a thing, and you know damn well that's not what I had in mind--look, just come on, we already said we weren't buying anything today."

"..."

"...I know you like them, love, but they're just too small."

"..."

* _softer sigh*_   "...Alright, damnit, you know what?...snap a quick picture, we'll ask Nana if she can make a pair."

 

 


	27. Sherlock

 

 

"John."

"Mm, yes love?"

"You know that I love you; that's an indisputable fact."

"Hm...yes, I believe so."

"It is also an indisputable fact, that you can be a  right bastard."

"Ah, yes...that's also true."

"This is one of those times."

"Too far?"

"Too far."

 "...Even farther than the cock-dummy?"

"Even farther than the cock-dummy...at least we _use_ that one."

 


	28. Sherlock

 

"...John."

_*innocently*_   "Yes, love?"

"...What the hell is that."

"You're the genius, darling; I think you can figure that one out fairly easily."

"I hope you're not expecting me to actually _use_ that...thing."

"Oh, why not?! Look, it says 'Buzz' on the front, and has a little bee right there!..."

"My kneecaps would touch my earlobes."

_*clucks tongue*_   "Only a minor detail."

_*ponders quietly*_ "You know, the more I look at it...it seems more suited to your stature. Maybe we _can_ get use out of it."

"..."

"Looks like I 'figured it out' just as easily as you said, _darling--_ "

"Fine, FINE! I'll get rid of it!"

"No, no! I'm quite getting used to looking at it, now!"

"...Prick."

"Flattery gets you nowhere, sweetheart."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* PSSST, just a reminder that you can follow my tumblr (a joint account that I run with a friend, mainly ageplay/fandom related, with some NSFW) here: http://sadieandmo.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	29. Sherlock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...I am NOT ashamed to admit that I had _**fun**_ with this one.

 

 

"...Those are _wretched._ "

"I disagree...I think they're adorable."

"We've already established what happens when you 'think', John, and these just further prove the point that you **shouldn't.** "

"I think your black onesie and a white bib would really pull it all together..."

"What did I JUST say about thinking?!?"

"C'mon, love, do it for daddy...please?"

"..."

"Please? Just wear 'em? What's the harm?..."

"...I'm _not_ saying it."

"I didn't ask you to say anythin'."

"Good, because I won't."

"All right then."

"I mean it."

"I understand completely."

"You can't make me."

"I had no intention of doing such."

"So stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like, like _that_ ; like you're already planning on some way to make me say it."

"I'm only imagining it!"

"Well _stop_ imagining it so obviously!"

"..."

"..."

"...Just one time, Sherlock...just say it one time, and I'll never ask you for anything ever again!"

"Oh, for--! I knew it, I _knew_ you would!..."

"Just once, is all I'm asking! One time, and I'll let it go forever!"

"My left NUT you will!"

"I swear! Soldier's honour, cross my heart! I'll tell you what...you do it for me, _once_ , and I'll do you a favour in return, no questions asked."

"..."

"...Please? It's just so fucking _cute_ when you say it!"

_*sigh*_   "Just once?...And one favour, no questions asked?"

"Swear on me mum!"

_*whispers*_   " _Goddamnit_..." * _speaking normally*_   "...Alright, FINE, you win, and I'm going to hold you to that, by the way..." _*takes deep breath_ * "...'Peng-weng.' "

* _chuckles obnoxiously*_   "Oh my God, you're just too fucking cute with that, I swear!...Do it again when you've got everything on!"

"You said just the once!!!"

"Just one more 'once', I promise!"

"...I really dislike you sometimes, John."

"I'll live...now suck it up and waddle for me, sweetheart."

 

 

_*mutters*_ "...Yeah, we'll see just how much longer you 'live'..."

 

 

 


	30. Sherlock...or maybe John? Both? Yeah...both.

 

"...Really?"

"Well, you're standing there, holding it with your own two hands, and viewing it with your own eyes...so yes, really."

"You're not allowed to buy yourself clothes anymore."

"I didn't buy this particular one."

"...You didn't? Who did...?"

"Molly."

"...You're fucking kidding me."

"I'm doing neither."

"Oh, 'ha-ha-ha- _ha'_ , very funny. There's no way in hell Molly bought... _this_."

"That's what we both thought you'd say, and that's exactly why she bought it."

"...Molly? Sweet, shy Molly did?"

"No, 'sweet, shy' Molly didn't...'little' Molly did."

_*dawning realization_ *  "Ahhhhh...yeah, that makes sense. Oh, she's in for a talking-to."

"She thought that you'd like it, since 'Unc'a Jawn likes that word lots and lots'..."

"...Damn it."

"I told you she was listening and paying attention."

_*sighs*_   "I know...you did."

"And I was right."

"And you were right."

_*takes it and gives it a good, long look, and chuckles*_ "Well, at least she's honest."

"Shut up, Sherlock."

"I think I'll wear it tonight, in fact."

"You know, I could borrow the damned thing and it still wouldn't be a lie."

* _ponders*_    "Valid point."

* _smirks*_

"...But at least I admit it."  

 

 


	31. Sherlock--Buzzy Bum

 

 

_*door slams, terse mumbling can be heard*_

"There you are...'bout time you got home, love. Hard day?"

* _more muttering*_

"...You've got a box waiting for you on the table, by the way."

* _a pause*_   "...A box? For me?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Oh?"

"Yes, 'oh'....go on, come open it."

"I take it that you already know what it is?"

"Indeed I--wait, what makes you think it's not from me?"

"Because you don't take the time to wrap the box so prettily."

"Yes I--!"

"No, you don't...you're more likely to leave the item in the actual bag it was purchased in."

* _snorts_ *  "Fine, it's not from me. Open it."

* _sounds of paper tearing, a box being opened*_   "Really, as if I'm to believe that you went to the trouble of purchasing wrapping paper, and--"

"..."

"... _Oh._ "

"I'll have to tell Nana that it left you speechless...that'll give her a giggle."

* _breathlessly excited*_ "Nana bought...?"

"No, love...Nana _made_. You'll have to give her a very good 'thank you' soon."

"...Can I wear one now?"

"You know what...yeah. Let's get you changed, and you can go show Nana how well it fits and you can give her a big hug."

"Which one, Daddy?!"

"Hmmm...my vote's for the crop-top and baby pants."

* _bounces*_ "...Can I wear both? P'ease?!"

* _laughs*_   "And how do you expect to do that, little fashionista?"

"Ummm...one leg in each?!"

"Smart lad...but no, I think they're both cute enough to deserve being seen separately, to get each their own appreciation, don't you think?"

* _sounding slightly dejected*_   "...Y'ah."

"Oh, such sad faces! Too many new clothes!...how 'bout we give Nana a little runway show and let her see both, then?"

* _instantly brightens*_   "Y'ah!!!"

_*chuckles*_ "Should'a known you'd go for that...alright, trousers off, fashion bug."

 

 


	32. Sherlock--Buzzy Bum (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *There's been a streak of Sherlock-related items...I'll need to throw in a few more for John and Molly next time!*

 

_*door opens, then shuts...giggling can be heard*_

"...Are you _giggling?_ What could possibly be that entertaining about fetching the mail, John?"

* _still giggling*_   "It's what's _in_ the mail, love."

"What could--? Oh, is it another one of those damned magazines?! I told you _not_ to have those delivered...!"

_*snorts*_   "NO, it's not...an' I'm not buyin' those right in front of people, I told **you**!..."

"If you're that embarrassed, you shouldn't be buying them at all, should you?!"

_*shoves box into hands*_   "Just open the goddamned box, Sherlock."

_*begins to rip into package*_   "You can't just thrust things at me and expect me to forget all about what we were just discussing; contrary to certain actions (that will not be brought up right now), I am NOT a chi--!" _*immediately shuts up*_

_*grinning like an idiot*_

"...The hell you did."

"The hell I did."

"How did you find _bee nappies?!!!"_

"I googled 'bee nappies'."

_*laughs*_   "Nu-uh!"

"Did so!"

"Christ...these are brilliant! I won't want to wee in them!"

_*laughs along*_   "But that's what they're for, love!"

_*distraught*_   "But they're _bees_ , Daddy! I want them forever!"

"We can always get more, sweetheart."

_*starting to sound teary*_   "I don't want to throw ANY away!"

_*quickly*_ "No...no love, don't get upset, it's alright!...look, how about we keep a few just for wearin' an' bein' cute, yeah? I'll make sure you ALWAYS have bee nappies from now on!"

_*tiny sniff*_   "...P'omise?"

"It's a Daddy p'omise."

_*quietly*_ "...'kay."

"...You want one now, don't you?"

* _nods head vigorously*_

* _chuckles*_   "Whatever my little beekeeper wants."

 

 


	33. John

 

"...Those are ridiculously short, Sherlock."

"Well, so are y-"

_*Interrupting*_   "So help me God, if you finish that sentence the way I think you're going to, I will make you eat them."

_*Snorts*_   "See, prime example; you've been stroppy as hell lately. You need a day to relax...ergo, I bought you something to relax in."

"I am _not_ stroppy; you're stroppy."

"John."

"Well, I'm not! That's what gets me, you always think you know me better than **I** know me, and...!"

"...Jawn."

"...."

"Let me help."

* _grumbles*_   "Yeah, well, you _don't_ know better..."

"Nooo, of course I don't. Let Da' help anyway."

"...'kay."

* _sounds of clothes rustling*_   "...Da'?"

"Mm?"

"...Why am I always a hedgehog?"

"That's a very good question."

"Yeah?"

"It's because no matter how prickly you are, you're still adorable." * _kisses forehead*_

_*giggles*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a long, unintentional break, I'm back! 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> *whispers*  
> P.S. If any writers who have done paid commissions could message me at sadieandmo.tumblr.com, it would be greatly appreciated...I'm looking for some advice. Just address it to 'Sadie'. :)


	34. Sherlock

 

"..."

"..."

"...Okay, I'll say it; this one's brilliant, if-"

* _beams proudly*_   "I know."

"Don't get ahead of me, I said 'if'."

* _puzzled*_   "If?"

"If...it glows in the dark."

* _no longer puzzled_ *  "Course it does...wouldn't have picked it up otherwise."

"Then it's brilliant."


	35. Sherlock-More 'Buzzies'

 

* _interior door slams, sound of  huffy steps approaching*_   "...You're a bastard, John."

* _taken aback*_   "Wha', me?! What did I do?!"

"Bees are _mine!"_

"...What in the _hell_ are you talking about, Sherlock?"

* _doesn't say a word; tosses small package on table*_

"Oi! What were you doin' going through my drawers again!..."

"Oh _please_ , stop deflecting! You--!"

* _interrupting*_ "YOU had no right!"

" _I_   had no right?! But here you are buying Molly things--!"

* _gapes*_   "...WHAT."

* _exasperated*_   "Bees, John! Bees are _my_ thing; _I_ love them, you buy them for _me_ , and then you go and get a set for Molly!..."

"...Those aren't for Molly, you _berk_."

"...What?"

"Those were for YOU, genius."

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'."

"..."

"..."

* _sheepishly*_   "Thank you...Daddy."

"That's not going to work."

"Can you put them in my hair now, Daddy?"

"I'm still mad about you going through my things, you little shit."

"...You can put them in my hair while I say 'sorry'."

"..."

* _bats eyelashes*_

* _sighs*_   "...You're still in trouble, you know that, right?"

* _coy*_ "Not if I say 'sorry' long enough."

"...Brat."


	36. Could...Not...Resist.

 

“I am _not_ putting those anywhere near my mouth, John, let alone in it.”

“That’s it’s all well and good then, since I didn’t buy them with your mouth in mind.”

 


	37. Sherlock

 

 

"...That's not funny in the _slightest_ , and if you don't wipe the smug grin off your face, the only thing getting 'lit' tonight is your arse."

"...It's a little funny."

"You're grounded. Ha-bloody-ha."


	38. Sherlock

 

 

"Awww, look'it you...who is that, hm? Is that your new baby, huh?"

 

_*happy suckling sounds*_

 

"An' you're givin' 'im kisses, is that it?"

 

_*giggles*_

 

_*chuckles*_ "Yeah, you don't like your new dummy at _all_ , do y'ah?"

 

_*happy nose wrinkle*_

 

_*laughs*_   "Thought so...I'm glad I found him. Do you think Molly would like one, too? Yeah, you think so? You want to help Daddy pick one out for her?"

 

_*ponders*_   "...Ki'yee."

 

"A kitty? You think she'd like a kitty one?"

 

_*enthusiastic nodding and dragon-bouncing*_

 

_*laughs again*_   "Alright...Molly gets a kitty."


	39. Decisions, part One

 

 

 

"Well?  S'cute little thing, right?"

 

"..."

 

"...Apparently not."

 

"You'll have to take it back, John."

 

" 'Scuse me?"

 

"Take it back."

 

" 'Scuse you?!"

 

"This is why your purchases should be supervised."

 

"What's wrong with--?!"

 

"It's pink."

 

"...AND?!"

 

"Molly doesn't want anymore pink."

 

"Well, how was I supposed to know?"

 

"You would have, if I'd gone along with you...like we _planned_."

 

"It is NOT my fault you were more interested in a sink full of pond scum...which had better be gone by tomorrow, by the way...than going shopping with me."

 

"And it's not my fault that your purchase history tends to be hit and miss."

 

"Name one time!..."

 

"The Cock Dummy."

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

"...Name another!"

 

"The Butt-Plug Trio."

 

"...One more!"


	40. Decisions, part Two

 

 

 

* _sighs_ *

"...What? What's wrong with this one?!"

"What part of 'no pink' don't you understand?"

"It's not _that_ pink."

"It's still extremely pink."

"It's got other colors! What's she got against pink, anyway?"

* _shrugs_ *  "She believes she has too much pink."

* _mutters_ * "I'll show her too much pink."

"That sounded disgusting, what you just said. I want you to know that."

* _snorts_ *  "So...what now?"

"Take it back, obviously, and get a different one. One that's clearly **not** pink."

"You know, there's not an unlimited amount of these things, especially 'kitty' ones....how about a cute little not-pink lamb?"

"..."

* _sigh_ *  "Alright...I'll be right back. Wish me luck."


	41. Contempt, part One

 

 

"...Sherlock?"

 

"What?"

 

"Did you...order something? For Molly?"

 

"No, why?"

 

"Because these just came in the mail, and I'm very confused."

 

"What the...hell?"

 

"Right?"

 

* _snorts_ *  "You went online while you were pissed again, didn't you?"

 

"I did not!"

 

"Sure."

 

"I didn't! 'Sides, you've already chewed me out for buyin' pink things."

 

* _examines closely_ *  "Where's the order form?"

 

"The what?"

 

"The paper they always pack in in case of returns, the order form...where is it?"

 

"Oh, yeah...s'gotta be somewhere in there. Wait, here it i--oh."

 

"Oh?"

 

"....These are from 'Auntie 'Rene'."

 

"...What."

 

* _clears throat_ *  "Um, yeah. Right there, 'To my sweet little bay-bee, from Auntie 'Rene."

 

* _snatches paper_ *  "..."

 

* _uncomfortable silence_ *  "..."

 

* _seethes_ *  "... ** _B_ _iiiiiiiiiitch_**."

 


	42. Sherlock

 

"Absolutely...fucking... _not_."

 

"Aw, Sherlock...!"

 

"No."

 

"But it's cute....!"

 

"Fuck you, fuck the store you bought it from, fuck the cashier, fuck the company, fuck the printer, fuck the designer, fuck the artist, fuck whomever came up with the idea, and fuck you again for buying it."

 

"...So that's a 'no', then?"

 

"That's a fucking 'no'."


	43. Greg (is ridiculously excited to be buying for a baby again)

 

 

"Gregory Lestrade, what in God's name..."

 

"Too much?"

 

"That would be an understatement, yes."

 

"I couldn't help it! Those baby stores are like magnets...everything's cute!"

 

"But doughnuts...? Really?"

 

"I was surprised, too! They had loads of the stuff; apparently doughnuts are very trendy...and mustaches. Lots of things had mustaches."

 

"But that--"

 

"And cats. Almost everything had a cat on it."

 

"I see. But was this all...necessary?"

 

"Absolutely."

 

"Hmm. The outfits I can see, yes, but the--"

 

"Aren't they the cutest damned things?! D'yah think he'll like them?"

 

"Of course. But what about the--"

 

"Even though they're pink? All the doughnut stuff was pink, and I looked all over for another colour, and there wasn't--well, except for a brown one...chocolate, I guess...but that wasn't nearly as cute, and I wanted the cutest--"

 

_*sigh*_   "Yes; he enjoys pink more than one would guess, and it suits him. Now about the--"

 

"It's a bib. See, the snaps open and you put their dummy in there, and close it up like that."

 

"Ridiculously adorable."

 

_*beaming*_   "Y'really think so?! How about the nappy; does he wear clo--"

 

"Very practical and environmentally conscious. Good choice. Again, what about the--"

 

"How'bout the dummy?! You don't think that's too girly for'im, do y'ah? Will he hate that?"

 

"Gregory, when Sherlock is feeling...'little'...he would be over the moon even if you gave him a piece of gum wrapped in a napkin."

 

"So...he'll like it?"

 

"It's sickeningly precious. He'll love it."

 

*relieved*  "Good, yeah...that's, that's really good. Lord, I remember it being so much easier to buy for babies..."

 

"Understandable; I doubt you've met very many infants as picky as this one."

 

* _chuckles_ *  "No kidding."

 

"Now, about this--"

 

"But you think he'll really like it? All of it? With all the pink?"

 

"He'll love everything, Gregory. You'll have to pry him off of your neck with a crowbar."

 

* _laughs_ * 

 

"But this last one..."

 

* _laughter stops_ *  "...Yeah?"

 

"...Does it rattle?"

 

"I think so..." *shakes* "Yeah, it's all jingly-jangly."

 

"Then you're golden. A wonderful selection...good job, _Uncle_ Greg."

 

 "Heh...'Uncle Greg'. I like the sound of that."

 

* _smirks_ *  "...If he can remember your name."

 

"...Y'just had to go an' spoil the moment, didn'yah?"

 

 


End file.
